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if i have 10 fields in one table and i want to have 3 different lists to do insert/update/delete within the same table
i might be forced to break up my one table into 3 separate tables.

i wish to have the flexibility of deciding which fields on the same table to work as part of the list design
and also to add/update/delete other fields on other different lists for the same table

the only way i can think of right now is to use views to restrict the fields i want to edit and add
new coding to the edit event of the view list. surely there is a better way ?

Use Field Visibility's extension to preset the field visible property for different pages. Read Third-Party Tools -> Field Visibility in help file for more detail.

You can build 3 views of that table and customize each view to meet the requirements of each form that you want.